


These Voice in my Head Won't Leave Me Be

by alltheselittlethings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mental Disorder, Niall Centric, Niall-centric, OT5, Romance, Schizophrenia, niallcentric, zianourry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 08:16:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/684793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltheselittlethings/pseuds/alltheselittlethings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(originally from tumblr)<br/>Prompt:<br/>can you do a zianourry, niall has schizophrenia and the boys dont know that hes had it since he was little and he starts to go crazy and they find out, angst and fluff please, thanks!!<br/>excerpt:</p><p>“You alright Nialler?”</p><p>No. Not at all.</p><p>“Yeah, just tired.”</p><p>And he isn’t lying. He is tired… just not exactly the type of tired sleeping could fix. He’s mentally tired, completely and utterly exhausted. Just doing basic things like talking and thinking are so hard when 50 people are talking at once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Voice in my Head Won't Leave Me Be

Its getting worse.

Before the X Factor, he could silently deal, ignore the voices and waste his days doing pointless nothings, distract himself. But now he has all the fame, all the activity, and the boys. The boys are great, of course, and Niall wouldn’t give them up for the world, but they worry a lot.

“You alright Nialler?”

_No. Not at all._

“Yeah, just tired.”

And he isn’t lying. He is tired… just not exactly the type of tired sleeping could fix. He’s mentally tired, completely and utterly exhausted. Just doing basic things like talking and thinking are so hard when 50 people are talking at once.

Niall thinks that the voices in his mind are getting worse, especially the last few days, which sucks because they are really fucking annoying. They would go away for a while and Niall would start to gain a little confidence, a little more comfort being in the spotlight. He would almost be happy. Then they would come back full force and fill his head with notions and suggestions that weren’t his and didn’t match up with his personality.

They’ve been there since he was a kid, but then there used to be one or two every once in awhile, random thoughts or commands that he was usually able to ignore. But since the fame-the fame he didn’t even want in the first place-, they had gotten so much worse, and Niall is on the edge. No- hanging off the edge. About to fall, gripping on with one finger, hanging precariously by a thread.

It gets a little hard to handle sometimes.

_“You’re horrible. Did you just eat that? Someones getting a little chubby…”_

_“Kill them. All of them.”_

_“I love you Niall, i love you.”_

_“You don’t need to hurt them too much… just enough to cause pain. Hear them scream.”_

_“Just leave. They won’t miss you.”_

_“You don’t need them. You have us.”_

Niall’s least favorite voice is the little girl. She comes in amongst the evil ones, high pitched tone standing out. She always mutters sweet little things, _I love you, i love you_ , giggling and asking Niall to play with her. As sad as it sounds, she was Niall’s first friend. Back before he knew that it was weird to hear voices, Olivia (the name seemed fitting) used to talk to him, sing to him, tell him stories and play with him when nobody else would. It scared his parents, but he quickly learned to keep it to himself.

_“I love you nialler…”_

“Shut up, Oliva!” He mutters, falling back onto the couch and rubbing his temples.

“Who’re you talking to?” Harry bounces in, landing on Niall’s legs with an oof and messing with his shoelaces.

“Just myself.”

“You’re going mental on me!”

Niall cracks a grin and pretends to kick Harry in the face. They both laugh, even though its really not that funny.

“The fans are outside.” Harry motions to the door window, where girls are jumping up and down outside their crappy last-minute motel room. Niall nods and looks at the TV.

“Don’t you wanna go talk to them, Niall?”

_No. Please no._

“Sure.” he replies, easily spreading his lips into a convincing smile.

“You alright, mate?” Harry looks concerned, which sends off warning bells in Niall’s mind.

_Be more convincing!_

“Of course, just tired. I would tell you if anything was wrong.” He soothes, hating the way Harry’s bottom lip catches on his teeth, concern written all over his face, and Niall wants to reach out and smooth out the lines. He almost does, but catches himself before his hand moves more than an inch.

+

“Stop it” Niall mutters, clutching his head. The boys look up at him, heads cocked to the side and eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“What do you-” Liam starts to question, but is interrupted by the shrieks of agony emitting from the small blonde in front of him.

_“Shut up! SHUT UP!” Nial cries, breathing short and eyes tightly shut._

_“Come on Niall, they’re right there… Just kill them… It will make you feel so much better…”_

_“Nobody will know”_

_“They all hate you, Niall, don’t you know that?”_

_“I love you….”_

_“You’re horrible! Disgusting!”_

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” He sobs, unknowingly curling into Zayn, who slid down onto the floor next to him when he collapsed.

They look helplessly between one another, having no idea at all what to do or how to help Niall.

They all manage to situate themselves on the floor, surrounding Zayn and Niall with bodies and warmth, waiting for Niall to stop crying and tell them what’s wrong.

Niall stops crying after about 20 minutes, but as his breathing evens out and eyes dry, they start to droop closed, and none of the boys have the heart to wake him. Explanations can wait for later.

+

“Wha-” Niall jerks awake, nestled comfortably in between Louis’ and Zayn’s chests, their breathing ruffling his hair.

His movement wakes the boys, and they all look sympathetically at him.

“Stop it” he mutters, turning to face the wall.

“Stop what, Niall?” Zayn asks gently, small smile lifting his perfect lips, but currently Niall just wants to smack the smile off of his face.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Will you explain?” Louis asks, almost excitedly, and of course Louis is asking, it’s Louis, and he’s always curious and horrible at keeping his thoughts to himself.

Niall thinks up a pros and cons list, tell them or not? If he told them, they would treat him differently. But on the other hand… Wouldn’t it just be easier to get it out? One less secret to worry about accidentally blurting out?

“I have schizophrenia.” He whispers, still facing the wall, staring blankly at the cracking plaster and ignoring the boys’ shocked intakes of breath behind him. “I’ve had it since I was a kid.”

“Oh, Ni…” He feels the weight on the bed shift behind him, and Liam’s arms wrap around his waist and a cold nose presses into the back of his neck. Zayn, Harry, and Louis snap into action, pulling Niall in the middle of a giant hug. It’s too hot, and to be honest it smells sort of weird, but its safe and comfortable and Niall feels like the voices can’t hurt him in here.

“I’m sorry” he whispers miserably, but the boys immediately shush him, pressing mall kisses to his cheeks and forehead, one kiss landing on  the corner of his lip, making his face immediately flush pink.

“Don’t apologize! It’s not your fault.” Harry says, speaking surprisingly quick.

Niall sighs happily… This isnt so bad. Not nearly as bad as he thought it would be.

“So, have you ever had, like… phone sex with the voices? Like voice sex?” Louis quips, looking far more excited than he should.

“Hey Lou?”

“Yeah, Ni?”

“Shut up.”

“Right. Ok”

+

The voices come back, but somehow they aren’t as loud as before, not as incriminating.

“Bye Nialler! Tell Olivia we said hi!”

“Alright.” Niall chuckles.

It’s getting a little easier to handle.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed :)  
> here's the link to this story on my tumblr:  
> http://iloveniallhoran.tumblr.com/post/40721788994/these-voices-in-my-head-wont-leave-me-be-niall  
> go ahead and give me a follow?


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